Chances: A Ty Davis Story
by Cuddy Cabin
Summary: When Ty Davis finds out that the love of his life, Sasha Monroe is IAB, his life spins out of control.It is up to his best friend, Caleb Murphy, to try and save him before he destroys himself and everyone around him.
1. Default Chapter

_Disclaimer: I don't own Third Watch. Please don't sue. This is my first story about Ty Davis and I hope you all enjoy it. I'm not really going by the plot line in the show. I'm trying to explore the relationship of Ty and Sasha on a deeper plain. I don't know why I got this idea in my head, but I did and now I'll leave you to decide for yourselves if I should continue. Your support and reviews do the deciding for me. I trust your judgement._

_Chances: A Ty Davis Story: Prologue_

_As I gazed out at the warm Florida ocean, watching the powerful blue green waves, I couldn't help but ponder the time and events that had led me to this place. It was unlike any other I'd ever been. Hot, muggy, wet and beautiful. It was no secret; I loved Miami and all that it had to offer. I inhaled the sweet smell of the hot sand and the tropical vegetation, happy that I had chosen to live here after I retired._

_A native New Yorker, I had come here to live out my final days, which I hoped were destined to stretch on into eternity, in this scenic and wonderful state. It wasn't just the weather that kept me here: It was a way of life, a way quite unlike the constant hustle and bustle of the Big Apple. No, in Miami, things were done differently. No rushing. No mad dash to make it somewhere. Here, 'take it easy' wasn't only a phrase; It was the unwritten rule to live a happy, worry free life._

_I had lived too long in a place where murder and mayhem were the catch phrases of the day, and the nights were so long, it was easy to let unsettled relationships and problems take a front seat. Don't get me wrong: I love New York as much as any New Yorker; I love the coffee, the takeout, the people and the fact that I come from one of the most amazing cities on this planet. But it was time to move on. There were too many memories there. Too many things left unsaid to the ones that I loved. Too many moments I wanted to take back but couldn't. How many nights had I lied awake, playing and replaying the events that lead up to the taking down of C.T. Finney, how many times I wondered why I had lost my best friend and how I could have ever let his name become anything other than what it once was? _

_It was better this way. In order for me to have ever have peace, I had to move away far enough from all of that, far away from the life I once had. From the people who had called me 'friend'. My guilty conscience still keeps me awake at night, tormenting me and making me regret so many things, I feel that I may never get over it. What other choice did we have? Did they have? There were so many questions literally no answers that could ever make up for what he had lost, what she had lost._

_And so, I chose to live in a place where no one knows me, not even my neighbors and keep to myself, praying every night that God will forgive me for the things that I have done and the pain that I have caused to so many, namely, the man who was once my best friend, Ty Davis,Jr. _

_His name makes me shudder, his face haunts me in my dreams and I can only hope that where ever he is, that he is looking down and smiling, having forgave me for not being a better friend. For not knowing how bad off he was until it was too late._

_I pick up a creamy white envelope that is propped up against my cold beer on the small end table beside my rickety lawn chair and carefully open it to peruse it contents for, perhaps, the millionth time._

_My heart constricts as I look at their faces, smiling and happy. I pick up my beer, the third of the morning and down it, hoping that all of my regret and shame will go down my throat along with the cold liquid. The bottle makes a clanking sound as I carelessly plunk it down on the table._

_Absently, I reach down to pick a stray piece of lint off of my blue shorts, then brush the sand off of my feet before sitting back and crossing one ankle over the other, my favorite way to sit._

_The picture still in my hand, I shield my eyes from the hot morning sun so I can continue to torture myself with memories of yesterday. I close my eyes and run my hand over the blond stubble of my face. I really need a shave right about then._

_Sighing, I put the picture back into the envelope and set it down on the table. There will be plenty of other times I can punish myself with it. And I deserve to be punished. I know that I don't even deserve to be here, living in my one room beach house, much less to even be alive. He needed me and I wasn't there. Is there anything worse than deserting your best friend?_

_I look out toward the ocean and watch a seagull hover above the water, waiting for an unsuspecting fish to come too close to the surface, and wonder if things could have been different. As if to answer me, the seagull swoops down and plucks a fish out of the water and carries it away. _

_I close my eyes, knowing full well that things could have been different and would have been different if it hadn't been for one man: Captain Finney. Damn him to hell._


	2. One

_Authors Note: This song is sung by Air Supply. It seemed to fit the mood for Ty. Enjoy._

_Chances: Chapter One_

_There's a chance you will be there_

_I'd like to know the truth_

_I'll find it out somehow_

_The chances are too strong_

_A chance you will be there_

_Please be there alone_

_Help me speak of love_

_Chances aren't enough_

_One's too good to miss_

_Chance is aren't too strong_

_Chance is all there is_

_There's a chance you will be there_

_wondering what to do_

_how to play my role_

_I'll leave it up to you_

_If I disguise my smile_

_It gives too much away_

_What if we can't speak?_

_What then shall I say?_

_Don't you be too long_

_Something has gone wrong_

_the chances are all gone_

_There's a chance you will be there_

_wondering what to do_

_how to play my role_

_I'll leave it up to you_

_If I disguise my smile_

_It gives too much away_

_What if we can't speak?_

_What then shall I say?_

_Don't you be too long_

_Something has gone wrong_

_the chances are all gone_

There are times in our lives when everything is colored gray. When we look for something, anything to take away the pain, whether it be alcohol or drugs or women or that one thing that will tide us over until something better comes along. Life can be so depressing and vulgar that you become convinced that it won't ever get any better. That was what was happening to my friend Ty during and after the trying period that he went through. His year had started out good, better than any other he could remember, but turned for the worse when he found out that his one true love had been an undercover detective who had been assigned to watch over our precinct and that his long-time partner, John Sullivan, had directly been related to his father's death. In a matter of days, his whole world had come crashing down. Everything he believed to be true, Sasha for example, turned out to be one big lie.

From the moment that Sasha had walked into C.T. Finney's office and gave herself away, Ty had become as brittle and hard as someone who had grown up on the streets. He cursed all the time, drank almost every night and caroused the bar until he found himself a suitable companion for the evening. Always it ended once the sun came up, for during the day he had no time or inclination to have a woman in his life. He now associated women as a tool for pleasure. Sasha had taken that part of him, the loving part, and had thrown it on the fire. He would never be the same after being burned by her and I was so angry at her for doing that to him, and I hated seeing someone so close to me turn into someone that I didn't know anymore. And so help me God, I tried everything I could think of to turn him around, but it did no good. Not then, anyway. Even though she had hurt all of us, I still couldn't turn my back on her the way everyone else did. I was the only one who could see that they belonged together. The truth was that from the day Sasha and Ty became an item he was a happier man. Stronger and more full of life. In one moment it all went away.

Ty Davis was one of those people that always made everyone around them feel like there was hope. Hope for a better day, a better life, and all that came with it. He was perpetually happy, and undaunted by other people's little misery's. He brushed off trivial problems and annoyances like one picking lint off a sweater. I swear, I'd never seen anyone with the ability to see the good in every situation, the way he could. I know a lot of guys teased him for it, and I'd heard more than once in the locker room the other officers making fun of him, but there wasn't any other officer more trusted or respected out on the street than him. I know now that those men were jealous of him. They were jealous that he was a better man than they were. But he never seemed to notice, or care. Ty was too good to look down on anyone or waste his time with things that didn't matter. Everyone knew that he was a good cop, a good man, and he was fair in all that he said and did.

Damn you, Sasha. How could you hurt him that way?

I wish that he had never started digging. I wish that he could have left well enough alone. But he didn't. I can understand why he had to find out for himself ; the circumstances behind his father's death If I could have turned back time, I would have made sure that my friend had chosen another path. I would have helped him more and been the friend to him that he was to me for all those years. It hurt like hell to know that he had no use for anyone now. He was locked in his own private misery and slowly retreating back into himself, so far that no one could get to him.

Not even me.

Then one day we were in the locker room getting ready for role call, when I broached the subject of the way he was being so vindictive against Monroe and being foolhardy with his inquiries about Captain Finney. There wasn't anyone else in the room and I figured that now was as good a time as any to bring up his behavior without setting him off.. At that point, we were hardly even speaking anymore. He didn't want to be around any of his friends, especially me. I think it was because he knew deep down that I would try to reason with him and get him to talk things out. If he ignored me, he had the chance to let it all slip by without being held responsible for his actions. He needed to be accountable.

In my opinion, if we all such good officers, and we had nothing to hide, we had absolutely no reason to be afraid of Monroe. On the contrary, I thought that everyone had handled themselves as if they all _had_ something to hide. I was just as ticked off as everyone else. It was a betrayal between officers and IAB, but things had gone too far and had turned dangerous. If anything, we should have been afraid of C.T. Finney.

"Ty, we need to talk about Monroe. We need to talk about how you're handling this." I said, walking over to him. I leaned against the row of lockers behind me and put my hands behind my back.

He began to button his shirt and didn't even turn my way as he spoke. "She lied to me, to all of us. _Fact_. She's a rat. _Fact_. She's out of my life for good. _There's nothing else to talk about!"_ He spat at me as if trying to convince himself of all the reasons why he hated her so much. Why he _had_ to hate her, because he couldn't deal with his own heartache. He was having a hard time even getting up for work and taking on a new day. She wasn't there anymore and it was killing him. He sat down heavily on the bench next to the lockers and put his head in his hands.

He was strung as tight as a piano wire in those days. You only had to look at him wrong or say something that didn't agree with him and he'd go off like a rocket. It didn't matter who it was.

He used to relish the time he and Sasha spent together. It had been an attraction that was a long time in the making and finally, after the hospital shooting, it happened. They had spent the night together, loving each other and comforting the ache that had embedded itself inside them. It had been a hard few weeks, starting with the death of Bosco's brother, Mikey, and then at the funeral when Rose had been hurt and ending with Bosco being shot. From there, it seemed that everything that could have gone wrong did.

Now, everyone knew that Sasha was an informant and that brought on so many new problems, feelings and regrets. The days at the precinct were tough, long and filled with hard feelings and gnashing of teeth. An alliance had been formed with everyone against Monroe. As much as wanted to _believe_ he hated her, he couldn't help but feel the pain every time he heard a nasty word about her or saw the way that she was treated. Deep inside of himself, in a place where no one would ever see again, he hid his feelings. The deep stain of love scorned could allow him to be angry and hurtful toward her, but the pain it caused came from loving her so much and feeling so betrayed. I knew my friend. He didn't have to say it and I knew he'd never say it, but he missed her so much it seemed that nothing was worth anything anymore.

Time had changed him from the once optimistic, always grinning, and ready to do the right thing person he was known to be. Eyebrows now in a deep furrow most of the time, his face had taken on a hardness that was neither flattering or healthy. The anger in his eyes blocked out his characteristic sparkle and charm that he could so easily turn on, making any female passer-by turn and look twice. The truth was, he didn't care anymore. He was so preoccupied with taking down CT. Finny and hating Sasha, that he was losing everything that had meant something to him.

What did he care now? The love of his life was gone. The bond he had with Sully, destroyed. And the one thing they had in common was their ability to hide the truth and pretend that they cared when they were looking out for themselves. No, he would never allow himself to trust again. No one. He had known Sully for a long time and they had been through hell and back. They had been as close as Ty had been with his own father once upon a time. Sully had been like a father to him and always checked in with the Davis family to see if they needed anything. I knew it killed Ty to know that all of those times Sully came around, he only did it to ease his guilty conscience over the untimely and very premeditated murder of Tyrone Davis, Sr.

The more I thought about it, I realized that he would probably lose his life in this battle that he was charging head-long into. Tangled in with Sasha's betrayal was the almighty C.T. Finney and Ty was dealing with too much to be thinking clearly. I knew that C.T. had a very intricate plan involving both Sasha and Ty and that Ty was mixing it all together to try and get his revenge. The trouble was that his heart was influencing his mind. He was irrational and angry and not thinking about the consequences of going up against one very tough cop like Finney. Finney had been covering things up for years and was very skilled at making things go his own way. He had killed before and he would do it again to save his own skin.

I had heard enough stories about C.T. to know exactly what kind of man he was. Cold and calculating, never missing a beat. He would chew you up and spit you out as quick as you could bat an eye and never, not ever, feel one bit remorseful. He had years on Ty. Years of scamming and lying and murdering to suit his own needs best. The only thing that was going to happen to my friend would either be death or worse, uncovering things that were best forgotten. Things that would threaten all hell to break lose when they surfaced. It took a long time to cover up the death of Davis Sr., and I had no doubt that Finney would do what ever he had to, even if it meant taking another life. I had to try to get through to him before it was too late.

"This has got to stop! You're going to destroy yourself!" I said in a pleading tone.

"What? Stop going out an' havin' fun? I've grown up, man, you should be happy. I'm not so naive anymore, am I?" He shot out from behind his hands.

"Ty, listen to me. I know that you're devastated over this thing with Sasha. I know that nothing I say can ever change what happened or the fact that she's IAB, but the one thing I know, the one thing that you _can_ trust is that she loves you and no matter what she's done or how we feel about her bein' IAB, it's the truth."

He uncovered his face and turned to look up at me, widening his deep brown eyes, incredulous that I would dare say such a thing. He snapped his head back and shook his head at me in a disapproving way. He flicked a stony gaze my way.

"There's something wrong with you, man. I can't trust her. I can't trust anybody and the fact that you just said something like that makes me wonder if I can even trust you!"

That stung. We had been friends for over five years. Best friends. We had gone to the academy together and been roommates during our stay there and when I had been transferred to the 55th, we had again become the brothers that we once were.

" That's not fair! When have you _ever_ had reason not to trust me? I'm your best friend, how can you even say that to me? It's not good police work to let her get in danger without having anyone but a rookie to back her up and you _know_ it! And just how far do you think your gonna get by trying to dig up C.T.'s past? The next thing we know, you'll end up just like your father!" I flared, my pride taking a back seat, so that hurt could ride in front.

"You can't seriously stand there and tell me to back off of her! So what if she's getting razzed by everyone - she deserves everything she gets, so don't lecture me about how much she loves me and cares about me, _best friend_! And as for Finney, I'll handle him myself."

"Ty, It's getting dangerous out there for her and for you. You can't go up against Finney by yourself and you sure as hell have to stop thinking about how hurt you are and start concentrating on the fact that Sasha is in danger or don't you care about that at all?" I hissed at him, trying not to bring any attention from any one else. The last thing we needed was to make it a 'family discussion'. Everyone was very open about their thoughts on my opinions concerning the Monroe fiasco and it had been made known that my opinion was not welcome.

He opened his mouth to speak and I pointed my arm at him, cutting him off. " No good will come from this, Ty. No good. And Sasha could get hurt, even killed. Do you want that on your conscience?"

He stood up, facing me. "Of course not! I don't want to see her die. Don't be stupid."

"Stupid? I'd call what you and Sullivan did pretty stupid. You put her and Brendan in danger....."

"I don't think I want to hear any more of your bullshit." He snapped at me, all the while pointing his finger in my face. He came within a foot of actually touching my nose. Knowing full well that was something that could set me off quicker than an enraged bull, he held his hand where it was and continued.

"You, of all people should be keeping your big mouth shut. No one around here wants to work with Monroe or Finney. Keep this up and no one will want to work with you either." He yelled at me.

"Is that a threat Ty? Are you threatening me now?"

"It's a fact."

"Fact?"

"Ya. A Fact. Don't go messing around in my business. I'm tellin' you now: Just keep your feelings to yourself. I don't need all of this so called concern. I don't anyone and I sure as hell don't need you babysitting me, man!" He yelled.

He grabbed a hold of the front of my shirt and bared his teeth at me.

"We didn't put anyone in danger. Get that through your head, Cal."

I grabbed on to _his_ shirt and tried to remember why I was doing this. Why I was risking my own skin to try and save his. I tried to remain calm, but I could feel myself about to blow.

"You _ducked _the calls. You _left _herand Finney to fend for themselves. Ty! Listen to me! What you did was wrong. You need to talk to someone about this shit. Don't let this ruin the rest of your life!"

He pulled back, out of my grasp and pointed that damn finger at me again. "If _you_ want to have any kind of life here, you better learn to keep your trap shut. You hear me? If you don't _I'll _shut for you."

Despite my firm resolution to _not_ lose my temper, I could feel my heart beating madly in my chest, my stomach tightening and my hands start to sweat. This was not the Ty Davis I knew. This was not my friend. And against my better judgement, I open fired my words back at him, knowing full well that we would never go back to the way we were after all was said and done.

"Ya? I don't give a damn! I don't know what's happened to you, Davis...I don't even know you anymore. The guy that was my best friend seems to be lost......"

"Maybe you should ask Sasha Monroe where he is cause he sure as hell isn't around here anymore." He interjected, his face beet red, his heart on his sleeve.

At that moment I knew I had lost my best friend. There was no going back and I didn't know how I had ever let it get this far. It seemed like the wall that had been silently building between us had just been exposed and it was clearer than ever. My heart ached from the way he turned his back on me; from the way he showed me that our friendship no longer mattered to him and it made me angry.

"That's it! I'm sick and tired of this crap from you! Grow up and be a man, Davis! Get over it and move on but don't just stand there and try to prove what a dick you can be! And I'll tell you something else! I don't want to work with a bunch of people that can't be trusted! I don't want to take the chance that someone will be ducking my call when I need it......"

The door of the locker room slammed open and both Sully and the _now_ Detective Yokas walked in. It was obvious that they had been listening to our argument from the nasty look on both their faces.

"What was that? You want to say that again?" Sully bellowed at me. I had never liked the guy. Personally, I thought he was a jerk. He wasted half of his life drinking and the other half complaining about everything. He was pushy when he wanted to be, which was most of the time, and the only person he seemed to have any patience for was Faith Yokas. That wasn't entirely a surprise, considering that there was no one on the force who didn't like her, except for Maritza Cruz. He was loud, overbearing and like rubbing alcohol on all of my cuts and bruises. It got the job done, but you sure hated to see it coming your way. I hated seeing him come _my_ way.

Sure. He had as much gal as I'll git out. He had _no_ room to talk. He had known about Ty's father's murder for years and had never told the truth. He had hid things from Ty and pretended to love him like a son when all along, he was tainted and tarnished by the things he had done. There was a long trail of deceit behind John Sullivan, but I knew instinctively that he was no dummy and was an expert in the art of lying and was not easy to fool or to mess with. I had to tread lightly with this man.

He stopped short, his hand resting on his billy stick, wanting to show me who was in control here. His chest heaved in and out. His nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed as he burned his accusing gaze my way, as did Yokas, who leaned with her back to the door to make sure no one else would come in.

Damn him.

"Maybe we shouldn't just look at Monroe, Sul. Maybe we should take a look at her buddy, here." Faith smirked, making me want to slap that silly look right off of her face.

Sully ventured toward me, his features ablaze. "Do you want to repeat what you just said? No. Tell me if this is right." He said, cocking his head to the side and rolling his eyes. " You don't want to work with the rest of us because you think that we somehow did that scumbag Monroe an injustice? If you don't recall, Let me refresh your memory. Rats aren't wanted around here. Maybe _you_ should think about that and consider moving on to another precinct, Murphy."

They wereboth insinuating that I, too, was a rat. Double damn the both of them.

Ty stepped back and folded his arms over his chest and looked petulantly at me. He narrowed his gaze, his eyes shooting sparks at me. Man, I was so pissed at him right then. In that one gesture he had gone from only letting _me_ know that our friendship was pretty much over, to letting Sully and Yokas know as well. His silence was as good as if he had spoken the words himself. He made no move to defend me when he _knew_, just _knew _that I wasn't a rat. At least not that kind.

I tightened my jaw and clenched my teeth together. I looked from Sully to Davis and shook my head at both of them before stepping forward to confront the old prick. He didn't scare me. Maybe he should have. Maybe I should have had more sense than to insult a senior officer but I didn't. I wasn't going to back down from what I believed in. Senior or not, he had made a bad call by taking his sweet time to get to Sasha and Brendan and I wasn't going to let him off the hook.

. "I'm gonna say this_ once_, Sullivan, so listen up. I AM NOT A RAT and you have some nerve to say otherwise! You made a bad call! You put two officers in danger. I'd think that you'd know better considering you've been on the force long enough.....or maybe you're losing it in your old age, but either way, you better back off me and back off Monroe. Someone is gonna get hurt or even killed but I don't see any of you giving a shit about it!" I yelled in his fat face, my finger so close to his mouth he could have bit me.

He slapped my hand away and grabbed a hold of my throat and pushed me back into the row of lockers violently. I tried to wrestle my way out of his grip but he was too strong. Again, Ty stood there and did nothing, just stuffed his hands into the pockets of his uniform.

I could feel the sweat on the back of my neck, trickling down into the collar of my shirt and the awful smell of Sully's breath on my face. His eyes bulged and his chest heaved with his effort to keep me confined. I brought both of my hands up to pull him off of me, when he kneed me in the groin, causing me to almost pass out from the pain.

"You better watch your back, Murphy. You're bound to get into the same situation that Monroe found herself in except next time _no one _will come for you or your partner." Sully leaned in and whispered in my ear.

Yokas guarded the door and I began to feel a small amount of panic. They couldn't do much more to me in the locker room, I knew that. I glanced at the clock above the doorframe. It was 2:50. We had to be in role call in under five minutes, but something in all of their faces let me know that they had done a great deal of discussing the Monroe situation on their own time and had been waiting for this moment to come so they could confront me. He was squeezing so hard I thought that I might pass out, but just in time I heard pounding on the locker room door.

"OPEN THIS DOOR!"

I could hear Swersky swearing as he pushed against the door. Faith looked at Sully, who reluctantly let go of me. I coughed and doubled over and slid down to the floor, trying to catch my breath. By the time Faith stepped aside and Lieu came into view, both Sully and Ty were a few feet away from me.

"What the hell is going on in here?" he demanded, his hands on his hips. He looked from one to the other. All three had blank looks on their faces. He turned to me: " What happened to you Murphy?"

I shook my head and glanced at the posse standing behind him. All giving me dirty looks. "Ah....nothin' boss. Just a little argument. It's all good." I lied. The truth was that my throat hurt like hell and my head was starting to pound. I was also beginning to doubt that I'd ever be able to sire any children in the future from the way my groin was on fire. It was a terrible pain.

" You got something you need to discuss with me, Caleb?" He looked pointedly at me. He knew full well that something was up. And he also knew that it was very unlikely that I'd tell. In this business, you didn't get very far by running to the boss when something unpleasant happened.

" It's nothing, Lieu." Faith spoke up.

He turned on her, angrier than I'd ever seen him. " Don't speak until you're spoken to, Faith! I'm disappointed that you'd participate in this kind of thing, you just being promoted to detective and all."

"Lieu, I...."

"Shut the hell up. I give the orders here, not you! I want the three of you in my office NOW! As for you, Murphy, Hickox is waiting for you at your squad. Get out of here."

He turned and stomped out of the room, with the others behind him. The door slammed shut and echoed loudly. I got up off the floor and walked over to the sink and splashed some cold water on my face. I grabbed a paper towel and wiped myself off. I looked at my reflection. My blond hair was on end. My blue eyes, watery. I had red marks on my neck that would be hard to cover up. I was a mess, plain and simple. How had I gotten to this place? What would become of this? And more importantly, was I on a downward spiral, far from my control? I walked over to the window and looked outside, wanting more than anything to have the answers I needed to help me through the day. Everything in me whispered that this was far from over.

That was how it all began.

TBC


	3. The Apple Barrel

Chapter Two

It was the very next day, after the locker room fiasco, that I ran into Sasha Monroe at a little diner down the street from Haggerty's. She was having lunch with her partner, Brendan Finney, whose father was the infamous C.T. Finney. Although I hated to admit it, Brendan was nothing like his father. He had heart and honor and a kind of decency that was refreshing to see. No, C.T. had nothing on his son. I imagined that Brendan had taken after his mother, cause he sure as hell didn't get anything from that backstabbing asshole. I knew I could take being an outsider, but I felt really bad for Sasha. She was no longer welcome at Haggerty's let alone anywhere else that had to do with our precinct. I was having the same trouble. Over night, news of my so-called betrayal of Ty and the rest of the squad had burned a hole through telephone lines and mouths all around, I thought sourly to myself as I drove through town. Sully and Yokas had let it be known that I didn't agree with what they were doing to her and Finney and as a result, the rest of the 55 treated me as if I were a rat too, hence my decision to dine at the Apple Barrel with my partner Nikki Hickox.

Lucky for me, Hickox was a real good girl and she didn't want to have any part of what was happening in our precinct. She was a great police officer and easy to talk to. My guess was that she was too young to care about all of that stuff. She was fresh out of the academy and still had that 'we can solve everything because we're the police' attitude. It was amusing, at best, to listen to her talk about unity and justice for all. I didn't bother telling her that there really wasn't any such thing as unity, only people operating under the pretense of unity. Out there it was every man for himself and that included everyone, even the brothers in uniform and justice was something that everyone always wanted but never got. What did it really mean anyway? Justice? Killing and revenge for all those people who had been hurt or lost in some way. The only justice we would ever see was at the hands of God Almighty, when ever he decided to show his face. I think she got a kick out of my bemused expressions and snorts, almost as if _she_ pitied _me_ for not believing. It didn't bother her a bit to be partnered up with me. She was a lot like Brendan Finney. Maybe that's why they were dating.

"Cal?"

"Huh?"

"What's goin'on?" Nikki asked from beside me. She ran her hand through her long brown hair and squinted her eyes at me. She did that when she was curious about something, or just plain nosey.

"What? Nothin." I mumbled. Truthfully, I was thinking about Ireland and when I was a boy. Strange time to be jerked back into the past, but that's the way it was with me. A sound, a smell, a face; it would transport me back to Dublin and I would feel melancholy for my grandfather and grandmother.

My life wasn't always this way; so complicated and lonely. No, there was a time when I was happy and I felt like I had the world by the tail. I should have known that it would only be a matter of time before something or someone destroyed it. It came in the form of the latter.

To back up and tell all of the things that have ever happened to me would be too painful and heart wrenching for me to explain and I can only compensate by telling the secrets that have made my heart heavy and my conscience weak.

I was born in New York, but raised in Dublin, Ireland. My family owned a pub on Candor Lane that my grandfather looked after until he fell ill with meningitis. My grandmother called up my father and asked him to come back to help her take care of it. She was in her sixties and didn't want the responsibility of running a popular hangout by herself. And so, when I was two and my sister Shannon was five, my father packed us all up and took us to Dublin. My mother wasn't happy about our move and constantly complained to my father or my sister about how she missed New York. Always missing New York. Even as I grew up, she still referred to our little apartment and the happy times they had there. She missed her friends, her flower garden, her little rotunda where she would sit for hours and read a book. It went on and on and on. I couldn't count the times my mother begged my father to take us back to New York and it wasn't until I was fifteen that she got her wish.

By that time, I hadn't even given the States a second thought. I had spent thirteen years in Dublin and didn't remember anything else. I had a thick accent that would surely betray me when we moved to Queens and for some reason, I really didn't want anyone to make fun of me the way that they had made fun of my sister Shannon when she had first gone to school. If they had made fun of her for her 'yankee' accent, wouldn't they make fun of me for my 'mick' accent? Oh, all the things that you worry about when you're a teenager. Although, I was right. I did get made fun of when we moved. A lot. But, I learned to put up with it and pushed my way forward and became what I always wanted to be. A police officer was what I was destined to be. I had to right the wrongs. I had to honor her name.

" Nothin? Well you better start watching the road or we'll be calling Carlos and Grace to scrape us up off the sidewalk. Or maybe you'd like that." She quipped.

I rolled my eyes at her and shook my head. She knew about my little fling with Grace and took every opportunity to remind of it. Grace and I had dated a couple of times a few months back but it never amounted to anything. She was a great girl, but she just wasn't what I was looking for.

I pulled into the parking lot and we got out of our squad and headed inside. The Apple Barrel was a nice enough spot. The food was good and the prices were decent and the atmosphere was light and happy. It wasn't like we couldn't deal with having lunch at a place where happiness was a requirement. Their waitresses were prompt and friendly and I wondered why it had taken me so long to find this place and just why we didn't eat here more often. Now that I was ostracized from Haggerty's, it looked like it would be my new hangout.

We made our way to a back booth where Sasha and Brendan were chowing down on some burgers and fries. She looked troubled and melancholy, not that I could blame her for it, and he looked pensive as he shoveled fries into his mouth. All of that changed, however, when we approached their table and he saw Nikki.

" Oh, hey!" He greeted enthusiastically, jumping up out of his seat to let Nikki sit down. She kissed him on the mouth and slid into the far corner of the booth. He sat beside her, his arm around the back of the seat, lightly rubbing her shoulder.

"Hey guys, how's your tour goin' today?" I asked as I took a seat beside Sasha.

She made a face before speaking, wrinkling up her nose in disgust. " Oh, it's just great! We've been snubbed by every officer in the house _and _I found a dead rat hanging on my locker!"

I blanched. Why did they have to go so far? There was just no stopping these people. I had a good idea about who put that rat there but I didn't say. She didn't need any more to worry about.

" Don't sweat it, Monroe. They're just being assholes." I said as I grabbed a menu and opened it.

" Ya. They're just scared cause they all have something to hide." Brendan added.

Nikki leaned forward, her elbows on the table. "Sasha, I know that what they did was wrong, but isn't there anyway you could transfer for your own safety? I mean, it's getting dangerous out there."

" You want me gone too?" Sasha snapped defensively.

Nikki shook her head, frustrated. " No! I mean...I mean that I'm scared for you. Look what happened to Cal and....."

Sasha whipped her head around and stared at me. I shook my head slightly, trying to give Nikki the message that I didn't want to talk about it, but she ignored me and continued.

" I'm just saying that after what happened in the locker room yesterday that you should......."

" What happened yesterday?" Sasha fired at me.

" Nothin. It's _no_ big deal." I grumbled, wishing Nikki had the sense to shut her mouth.

" No! You wait a minute, Cal! Don't try and pretend that it didn't happen. She deserves to know and then maybe she can talk some sense into your dumb ass, cause I sure as hell can't!" She spit at me.

She was getting riled up. And I hated when she got that way. Once she got something into her head she just couldn't let it go. I knew she was right, but damn, I didn't want to go into detail with Monroe about it.

" Cal, what happened yesterday?" Sasha asked forcefully. She grabbed onto my arm and dug her nails in. " I'm not letting go until you tell me!"

" _Alright_! Geez! Let go of me already, would ya?" I snapped.

" Ya. Cal. Why don't you tell your little friends what happened in the locker room yesterday?" Came a snide voice approaching the table beside me.

Just the man I was hoping to run into. He towered over me, a smug look on his face, obviously wanting to hear me tell my story again, but I had the feeling he had already heard it.

" Dad?"

It was C.T. Finney.


	4. Safefor now

Chapter Four - Father's and Son's

"Excuse me?" I asked in mock politeness to the man who had made life a living hell for so many.

He glared at me, contemptuous, hating. "I said, why don't you tell Monroe about you getting your ass kicked like a pansy in the locker room." He chewed his gum hard, popping it and making my nerves twang.

"Ya. You'd like that, wouldn't ya? Although why do I get the feeling that you already knew what happened before_ I_ knew what hit me?" I didn't disguise the accusing tone in my voice.

He narrowed his gaze at me and looked around at the rest of my party. "Seems like you're getting my son all mixed up in your way of thinking. I don't like that."

"Why, you afraid he'll turn out to be an _honest_ man?"

"What was that?" His face was turning a nice shade of red. "You want to repeat that? Honest man? Have you told them about Maggie, ya mick prick?"

How dare he mention her name. He knew better. That was the last straw for me. I started to stand, when a hand was thrust forth and caught me in the chest, sitting me back down. "Easy, Cal." Brendan said. He stood up and faced his father. "Dad, what the hell are you doin'?"

C.T. blanched, obviously not used to being talked back to, let alone by his son. "Brendan, just mind your business, son. This has nothing to do with you."

Brendan shook his head. "I don't think so, dad." He said softly but firmly. "Did you come here to embarrass me and my friends?

"Brendan! This has nothing to do with you. You don't know Murphy as well as you think you do and....."

"I don't care. Murphy is a good cop and so is monroe. You should be transferring her, not leaving her here to fend for herself. You're in charge. You have pull. It's dangerous for her to be here." He said.

"Don't talk to me like that! I'll do what I damn well please! And furthermore...." C.T. Thundered, his face turning purple.

Brendan was facing him down and C.T. didn't like it. I suspected that it was the first time he had done that publically, but with all of the rumors and stories flying around about the Captain and the fact that he was responsible for many deaths, I think that Brendan was starting to believe that his father was not who he made himself out to be.

Brendan grabbed his fathers arm and guided him away from the table. He lowered his voice, embarrassed by his father and the situation he had found himself in. "Please go and make yourself useful because you're making an ass out of yourself."

The three of us just stared at the scene. It wouldn't even have been a scene if the elder Finney could have kept his voice down. Nikki was turned so far around in her seat, I thought she may break her neck.

"Wow. He really is an asshole." Nikki muttered under her breath.

"No kidding." Sasha replied. She turned to me. "And who is Maggie?"

"No one. He's just being a bloke." I muttered, hoping she wouldn't press me on it.

C.T. pulled from his hold and walked back to his own table and sat down. Brendan followed him and they exchanged a few more words. We couldn't hear them so Nikki turned around, her eyes open wide, displaying her shock at the Captain's behavior.

"So that's Brendan's dad? I know why he never wanted me to meet him." She mused to herself more than to us. Our waitress made her way over to the table bringing two menu's with her.

"What can I get for you today?" She asked politely, bating her lashes at me. NYPD always had pull with the ladies, especially with waitresses but I wasn't in the mood.

I looked over at Brendan and C.T. who were still talking. Every once in a while, he would look over at me, confusion clearly written in his blue eyes. I knew, just knew that he was hearing stuff that I couldn't control or deny. Damn him! Not wanting to answer any more questions about anything, I decided that I would rather eat shit than sit here another minute and look at that old pricks face.

I stood up and waved at her dismissivly. "Nothin' I changed my mind, miss. Thank you. Let's go Hickox."

I Both Sasha and Nikki looked at me, not having expected my quick departure. "But Cal, I'm hungry and I want to talk to Brendan."

"NOW! I'll go through a drive-thru for you, just get your ass up out of that seat!" I barked at her.

She narrowed her gaze at me, clearly pissed, as she had every right to be, at the way I had spoken.

"Fine!" She snapped and stood up to follow me. She was angry but she also knew I was her superior officer and that I could write her up as fast as she could breathe.

"Monroe. I'll talk to you later." I grumbled and walked toward the door. I passed right by the table where C.T. and Brendan were talking and I saw Brendan trying to catch my eye but I looked right through him. I pushed the door open violently. It slammed against the wall of the building and bounced back almost hitting Nikki. She jumped out of the way.

"Jeez, Caleb! Watch it, would ya?" She snapped at me.

"Don't talk to me."

"What's wrong with you, anyway?" She muttered, only loud enough for me to hear.

"I said, don't talk to me, Hickox! I need to think and I can't do that with you jabbering in my ear!" I snapped meanly at her.

I knew I was in the wrong. I knew that I was being unreasonable and taking my frustrations and my fear out against her, but I was scared and angry and I had so much to lose, that I could hardly do my job. I could hardly breathe.

I kept walking toward the car. I kicked the loose gravel with my shoe. It bounced off of the ground and hit the RMP, scratching the paint off the side. "Oh damn it, could this day get any worse!" I yelled at the sky, my hands in the air.

That old pathetic excuse for a man could ruin everything I had worked for. Everything. My whole life. Maggie.

Oh, how my arms ached to hold her.


End file.
